For the past couple of days maybe even two weeks, I have been struggling with the fact that the Lord is carrying me and I am giving nothing back to Him.  Lately as much as I try, I’m still missing that one on one fellowship with the Holy Spirit as I travel through each day.  I know the Lord has not left me and I have not abandon my walk with the Lord but lately I feel as if I am missing something of great pleasure He has for me.

So often in my past I have been so close to the Lord that I could almost feel His breath.  Joy was overflowing in my life, I wore a smile and took an extra step knowing that my best friend was Jesus.  Now don’t get me wrong, He still is my best friend but when I feel like this, it feels as if He has taken someone else hand and is leading them down the path I use to travel.   I know that can’t happen, God is not so small that He has to choose one person at a time.  His grace, mercy and love is so strong that He can fill the cup of each man till it overflows than add a whole lot more.  I guess inside, I am finally seeing and feeling what some of my brothers and sisters have felt when I would ask how they were doing and tell them how I missed their writings.

I love to write, I love to open my heart and mind to the Lord and allow Him to build stories and words in my mind so I may spread the ink on the paper in which others might enjoy.  But here in the past year or so, no words have tickled my finger tips.   I have tried to remain quiet so I could hear His voice, I have asked of guidance but still I feel a sad feeling as if I had lost a friend.  Maybe my writing was never really that good in the first place. I know I struggled greatly with spelling and grammar but oh the joy I’d get as He spoke to me and filled my thoughts with words.  Using proper english was a second though as my fingers danced over the keypad; stories of young children meeting the Lord, watching a leaf fall to the ground or walking down the middle of the road singing an old time hymn was music to my ears as each word I felt fell into place.

I have been reading some of my friends, brothers and sisters blogs and oh how happy I am that they are marching forward in Christ, their sites are blooming with great words and praises as my sets here and acts like a copy machine.  I have become a cut and paste master and I am not liking it not one bit. 

I do give thanks to my Mystery Four, for whatever reason, I seem to have a following of four who regularly visits why I don’t know, maybe these are back up computers and besides backing up daily programs a flaw has them visiting my site once a day.  Well “Greetings mystery people” and maybe one day, the operator will down load and read some of the stuff your memory has been filled with.   

Oh nice that is a lead in story, In 2064 a young boy decides to do his school project on old ancient times.  He plants a computer back in time to copy history as it is being made.  But something happens and the computers finds my blog, locks up and each day all it does visits and downloads.  Sorry Kid, I’ll try a little harder so you can get an “A”.

Well I have been rambling for a bit now, the pity party has run its course and now I pray that the Lord will hear my cry and allow me to write again.  Am I destine to be some great writer?  No, I doubt it very much but like I said, I enjoy it and I feel the closest to the Lord when I write the words He wants me to hear. 

Keeping the faith, while running the race.

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